Hello again. Its Saturday, working OT to build up banked time for “the transplant” leave. I’m very easily frustrated today by the littlest things, I’m so glad I’m working alone today with nobody around to hear me today. I’m quite sure I’m boiling off Kidney Frustrations at work which is Way Better than at home. . I’m feeling like I just want to get off this damn transplant thing. Thats very bad to say I know, but I’m just in a down mood today I guess. I sometimes think that it would be easier to just forget it and ride this out, at least mentally you could just know what your up against and deal with it. The not knowing and having people on Hold in several area’s of my life and no control over when and what happens REALLY BOTHERS ME . I guess I’m a bit of a control freek and this is to humbling for me.
I do know I am full of shit with my above coment about it being easier and riding out the kidney failure course, Its just a symptom of my frustration at present. Sorry, I’ll try not to think out loud, but thats kinda the idea of this stupid blog anyway. . . I just gotta quit acting like I’m sick cause compared to so many other people my life is a cake walk. I have to focus on that !
WAITING UPDATE NEW’S - An email went out to all the people in the Paired Exchange Evaluation that was done end of May. I didnt get the email, which I thought was Kinda ODD, but whatever. It didnt say much, just they have to do more analizing of results and we should hear more the end of June beginning of July, This run of Paired Exchanges and “Domino’s” could result in up to 13 transplants . It would be great to be a part of this ! here’s to Hoping.
If I had to bet I’d probably put my money on an October or 2010 transplant at this point, I know I’m Incedibly Blessed to even have a donor / transplant that could happen someday but I’m losing faith in the system ( and saying that out loud probably bumped me back a couple months ) and my stupid kidney function will likely bounce up to 20 % again, putting me out of the Transplant Zone but within the Feel like Crap Zone and ripping off my Family Zone as I’m to damn tired and depressed to really do much, other than work so we keep on keepin on. I sure am glad we dont have to pay for healthcare as I’m thinkin I wouldnt .
Well enough crybaby poor me bullshit, time to suck it up ( again ) and go have a sleep.
I’ll be fine tomorrow I expect.
Hindsite Post Added by Me a month after the Kidney Transplant. Aug 27 / 09
Boy did I wake up on the Negative Side of the Bed. I feel kinda Embarrased Reading this, But that was my SAD SAD OH POOR ME ATTITUDE, I’ve always prone to rapid downward spirals, looks like I was on a Gooder there. I wanted to delete the post . but then thought, No, The Blog showed were I was at that Day in my Life / Illness. So I Left it. I am working at Staying Possitive Post Transplant with Good results, dispite some post transplant isssues ( high Creatinine from new Kidney, slowly coming down and Gastrointestinal IIssues from Meds ) I’m just going with it, it’ll get sorted out by the Team.
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